Everyone has them. 'I didn't know what to say!' Times when you are silenced - overwhelmed with embarrassment, gobsmacked, dumbstruck - because someone confronts you with a situation, and you have no idea how to respond. It may be a friend, a colleague or a stranger. You may be at work, in the pub or under the duvet. It may be a matter of love or death, a question of honesty or belief. And the worst thing is - you then say the wrong thing. What Not To Say takes those situations, unpacks them with philosophy, and - understanding gained - explores what's at stake. Why philosophy? Because philosophy has always been gripped by questions of life. It was Socrates who first raised the question of how to live. He launched a tradition that stretches from then until now. It sees life not as a problem to be solved, but as an art. It majors on what might be called 'empathy with intelligence'. It also understands that the moments when we are stunned or confounded - when lost for words - are some of the most valuable in life: it is then that people find themselves at the limits of their understanding of things - which is to say, they may be ready to appreciate more. What Not To Say can also be thought of as an exercise in ethics or applied philosophy. This recognises that for the ancient Greek and Roman philosophers the 'how to live' question was as, if not more important than the question that has arguably come to dominate modern philosophy, that is the question of how to know. Thought was therapy. Ancient philosophers routinely turned to pressing questions about situations in life, seeking practical answers. Coupled to this are the insights of existential philosophy. It asks about what it is to experience, to live and to die. It illuminates the anxieties that confuse us when we are wondering what to say to people facing serious situations in life. What Not To Say might therefore be said to have three broad aims. First, to enable readers to speak more truthfully in difficult situations: as the Delphic inscription had it, to know thyself. Second, to allow readers to talk about personal problems in a wider perspective, something that in itself often eases the pain. Third, to gain an alternative introduction to some of the themes of philosophy, and some of the thoughts of its biggest thinkers. In short, it is an aid in the search for the wise thing to say, that vital precursor to the wise way to live.
Love matters 1. FORGING FRIENDSHIP Family matters 5. MARRIAGE & DIVORCE Private matters 10. HANDLING DEPRESSION Leisure matters 14. DEBATING ART Work matters 18. LOOSING YOUR JOB Practical matters 22. DOES HE TAKE SUGAR? Moral matters 27. GOING GREEN Dying matters 31. SOMEONE DIED including thoughts on A Good Death
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What Not to Say