Who were the 'fair youth' and the 'dark lady' of Shakespeare's sonnets? The tentative consensus is William Herbert, the young Earl of Pembroke, and a Moorish or African prostitute (the question was asked again last night in the TV drama, A Waste of Shame). The nameless dark lady then disappears even more from view since, to the modern mind, all the fascination is with Shakespeare's sexuality (for which read homosexuality).
What is truly interesting, though, is to sidestep the matter of whether he 'was', 'wasn't' or 'was sometimes' and try to imagine the different world of intimacy Shakespeare occupied. Two aspects stand out.
First, the association between intimacy and privacy that we naturally make was rather different. People routinely slept, bathed and ate together outside of family ties. Extensive bodily contact was not exceptional and perhaps, in adulthood, only shared with one other person as it is now; it was commonplace. The boundaries between sexual intimacy, affection, knock-about, indifferent touch (and, no doubt, various shades of abuse) were, probably, far less clear.
Second, the notion of the carnal was far broader. Today carnal means sexual. Before the 17th century it would be more accurate to say it meant worldly (the opposite of spiritual or godly). So carnal relations were relationships that sought to exploit others for material gain or were relationships characterised by emotions such as envy or hatred. In other words, whilst it would be wrong to say the Medieval and Tudor periods were permissive, it is probably fair to say that for much of the time they were far less obsessed with sex; sex might not have been the worst crime in immoral relations (again, an odd thought for an age that easily associates a religious mindset with a puritanical one).
In other words, the question of who the 'fair youth' and the 'dark lady' were might not have occurred to Shakespeare's contemporaries. Perhaps many or most could identify with the polymorphous passions that he so powerfully captured in the sonnets and would have thought that our obsession with the 'who' rather misses the point of his glorious verse.
When to the sessions of sweet silent thought
I summon up remembrance of things past,
I sigh the lack of many a thing I sought,
And with old woes new wail my dear time's waste:
Then can I drown an eye, unused to flow,
For precious friends hid in death's dateless night,
And weep afresh love's long since cancell'd woe,
And moan the expense of many a vanish'd sight:
Then can I grieve at grievances foregone,
And heavily from woe to woe tell o'er
The sad account of fore-bemoaned moan,
Which I new pay as if not paid before.
But if the while I think on thee, dear friend,
All losses are restored and sorrows end.
(Sonnet 30)