Friendship in history

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Saturday, August 16 2008

Almost an ideal of online friendship

I've only read reviews, here and here, but it struck me that White Heat: The Friendship of Emily Dickinson and Thomas Wentworth Higginson by Brenda Wineapple might have something to add to a conversation raised periodically here, namely that of online friendship.

Wineapple writes about how their friendship was 'based on absence, geographic distance, and the written word (and yet) somehow these two people created out of words a nearness we today do not entirely grasp.'

In one letter, he writes: 'I cannot reach you, but only rejoice in the rare sparkles of light.' Though in another he confessed, 'I am glad not to live near her' for she drained his 'power'.

In another, she doesn't send a picture as requested but describes herself as, 'small, like the Wren, and my Hair is bold, like the Chestnut Bur ??" and my eyes, like the Sherry in the Glass, that the Guest leaves.' Doesn't that say more than a jpeg?

According to Wineapple, their friendship thrived because it was a tie that 'neither of them expected or wanted … to lead anywhere specific.' As Aristotle might have analysed, they had learned to love each other for who each was in themselves, and who they became together - in spite of, or because of, the distance.

Monday, October 2 2006

Romantic friendship

Adam Sisman explains that he wrote his biography of Coleridge and Wordsworth's friendship because 'friendships between men have been particularly neglected. Men don't talk much about their friendships ??" perhaps because we are embarrassed to do so ??" but that doesn't mean they don't exist.'

'The Romantics believed passionately in the importance of friendship; for the young men inspired by the ideals of the French Revolution, friendship between individuals was a stepping-stone towards the brotherhood of man. For Coleridge, the term friend was 'a very sacred appellation'.'

Sisman laments that most friendships people have don't mount to very much. You can't make new, old friends - and longevity is often what counts. Youthfully formed friendships therefore have an advantage, coupled to the fact that friendship-making then is done when people are single - i.e. haven't entered often exclusive relationships. Work is another barrier, because it makes us too busy.

However, he concludes, all these barriers to friendship make true friendship all the more valuable.

Monday, September 25 2006

Coleridge and Wordsworth

Adam Sisman has written about the 'electric poetic partnership' of Wordsworth and Coleridge in a new book, 'The Friendship: Wordsworth and Coleridge'.

Miranda Seymour's review says:

'The ebbs and flows of their passionate friendship survived the failure of Wordsworth to produce the vast philosophical opus that Coleridge had conceived and laid upon his friend’s drooping shoulders ??" outlasted, even, the awful moment in 1810 when Coleridge, an opium addict, learned that Wordsworth “had no hope of me” and thought he was “rotting out his entrails by intemperance”.'

The relationship has been studied before but this one looks good. When a friendship survives between two 'proud and complex men' it is always rather fascinating to observe.

Thursday, August 31 2006

Darwin on a friend

'He was very kind-hearted and thoroughly liberal in his religious beliefs or rather disbeliefs; but he was a strong theist. His candour was highly remarkable.'

Charles Darwin on Charles Lyell. I love the idea of liberal (meaning generous) disbeliefs that are strongly theistic - arguably as challenging to contemporary polarised views on religion as Lyell's geology was to the Victorians' views on the history of the Earth.

The quote is in Janet Browne's Darwin's Origin of Species A Biography, to my mind the best of the 'Books that Shook the World', from Atlantic Books (Francis Wheen's Marx's Das Kapital A Biography comes a close second).

And whilst on the subject of spiritual unsophistication, Steve Jones lambasts 'neurotheology'.

Thursday, July 27 2006

Suicide pact

The extraordinary tale of the friendship of Raïssa and Jacques Maritain is recounted by Robert Ellsberg in The Social Edge:

'Raïssa, a Russian émigré of Jewish descent, met Jacques when they were both students at the Sorbonne. They were instantly attracted and decided to marry. But they also shared a passionate quest for the Truth - so deep that they made a mutual pact to kill themselves after a year if they couldn't discover the meaning of life. Fortunately, through their friendship with various philosophers and writers they were both drawn to become Catholics. Jacques became a world-famous philosopher. Raïssa, a poet and contemplative, was lesser known, though Thomas Merton called her "one of the great contemplatives of our time." Jacques and Raïssa became Benedictine Oblates and took a vow of celibacy. Nevertheless, they felt that their religious vocation was not in a religious order but in the midst of the world - particularly among the intellectual and artistic circles in which they were immersed.'

Tuesday, June 6 2006

Longing for the Shropshire lad

When is it the love of friendship? When is it the love of lovers?

The life-long love of AE Housman dallied for years on the difference.

Sunday, April 30 2006

Le Bon David

Hume was famously a man of impeccable character.

Rousseau famously fell out with everyone, apart from his dog.

But 'Rousseau's Dog', by David Edmonds and John Eidinow, retells the story of the two philosophers' friendship. And Hume does not come out of it so well. Duplicitous is the word. Extract here...

Sunday, February 19 2006

Bloomsbury group

The circle of friends - including Virginia Woolf, Lytton Strachey, Duncan Grant, Dora Carrington - known as the Bloomsbury Group, were typical of collaborative circles, writes Michael Farrell in a book of the same title.

'In the early stages of circle development, not only do the members' attitudes towards external authority resemble those of a delinquent gang, but their interpersonal relationships have some ganglike qualities...' - they goad one another, encourage creativity, cross boundaries hand in hand, and so on.

A seminal moment for the Bloomsbury Group was the Dreadnought Hoax of February 1910 - before their art and literature came to the fore. Pretending to be the Emperor of Abyssinia and his entourage, they (including Woolf) fooled the crew of HMS Dreadnought, and were conducted on a high security tour of the flagship of the home fleet. The 'emperor' even received a rifle salute.

The group then leaked the hoax to the press with photos. For Woolf it proved the 'brutality and silliness of men'. Bloomsbury was born.

Monday, December 5 2005

Why you wouldn't find a hobbit in Narnia

As Narnia mania ramps up, C.S.Lewis' life is in the spotlight. He was, for a while, good friends with Tolkien and it is a bit of a story.

When they first met, as academics at Oxford, Lewis was a protestant atheist, Tolkien a catholic believer. However, their common interest in all things linguistic, legendary and Nordic brought them together. The bond was sealed when Lewis became a Christian. Lewis was one of the first people to whom Tolkien showed 'The Hobbit'.

However, Tolkien did not like the Narnia stories (too cutesy and confused, he thought) - which was something of a blow to Lewis. When Lewis married a divorcee and didn't tell the catholic Tolkien, the end of the friendship was nigh.

Though it does seem that they had something of a reconciliation when Lewis was dying: they recognised that the friendship had been hugely important to each of them, though almost inevitably fractious given the passion with which they pursued their close, but not identical, interests.

Saturday, December 3 2005

The friendship of dolphins

According to the story of Arion, the finest lyre-player of his day in 7th century BC Greece...

As he was returning from Italy, the foul crew on the ship that gave him passage threw him overboard. However, a dolphin, drawn by Arion's singing (dolphin-like?), befriended him. It carried him to shore, thereby saving him and his lyre.

According to Carlos Parada, a writer on Greek mythology, 'to this clever animal alone nature has granted what many philosophers seek, namely friendship to no advantage; for the dolphin has no need at all of men, and yet it is their genial friend.'

Wednesday, November 23 2005

Mr WH

Who were the 'fair youth' and the 'dark lady' of Shakespeare's sonnets? The tentative consensus is William Herbert, the young Earl of Pembroke, and a Moorish or African prostitute (the question was asked again last night in the TV drama, A Waste of Shame). The nameless dark lady then disappears even more from view since, to the modern mind, all the fascination is with Shakespeare's sexuality (for which read homosexuality).

What is truly interesting, though, is to sidestep the matter of whether he 'was', 'wasn't' or 'was sometimes' and try to imagine the different world of intimacy Shakespeare occupied. Two aspects stand out.

First, the association between intimacy and privacy that we naturally make was rather different. People routinely slept, bathed and ate together outside of family ties. Extensive bodily contact was not exceptional and perhaps, in adulthood, only shared with one other person as it is now; it was commonplace. The boundaries between sexual intimacy, affection, knock-about, indifferent touch (and, no doubt, various shades of abuse) were, probably, far less clear.

Second, the notion of the carnal was far broader. Today carnal means sexual. Before the 17th century it would be more accurate to say it meant worldly (the opposite of spiritual or godly). So carnal relations were relationships that sought to exploit others for material gain or were relationships characterised by emotions such as envy or hatred. In other words, whilst it would be wrong to say the Medieval and Tudor periods were permissive, it is probably fair to say that for much of the time they were far less obsessed with sex; sex might not have been the worst crime in immoral relations (again, an odd thought for an age that easily associates a religious mindset with a puritanical one).

In other words, the question of who the 'fair youth' and the 'dark lady' were might not have occurred to Shakespeare's contemporaries. Perhaps many or most could identify with the polymorphous passions that he so powerfully captured in the sonnets and would have thought that our obsession with the 'who' rather misses the point of his glorious verse.

When to the sessions of sweet silent thought
I summon up remembrance of things past,
I sigh the lack of many a thing I sought,
And with old woes new wail my dear time's waste:
Then can I drown an eye, unused to flow,
For precious friends hid in death's dateless night,
And weep afresh love's long since cancell'd woe,
And moan the expense of many a vanish'd sight:
Then can I grieve at grievances foregone,
And heavily from woe to woe tell o'er
The sad account of fore-bemoaned moan,
Which I new pay as if not paid before.
But if the while I think on thee, dear friend,
All losses are restored and sorrows end.

(Sonnet 30)

Friday, October 28 2005

Johnson's circle

The great man of letters, Samuel Johnson, included Edmund Burke, Joshua Reynolds, Charles James Fox and, of course, James Boswell in his circle friends. Certainly high minded, often high spirited, and sometimes just high. But what difference did the friendships make, what were they like, and what happened when they came to blows? Melvyn Bragg's superlative radio programme, In Our Time explored much of that yesterday. You can listen again!

Saturday, October 8 2005

Goethe and Schiller

I read that Goethe and Schiller had a wonderful friendship.

"In his theatrical endeavors, Goethe found a sympathetic and encouraging critic in Schiller, to whom he owed in great measure his renewed interest in poetry. After years of tentative approaches on Schiller's part, years in which that poet concealed even from himself his desire for a friendly understanding with Goethe, the favorable moment arrived; it was in June 1794, when Schiller was seeking collaborators for his new periodical Die Horen; and his invitation addressed to Goethe was the beginning of a friendship which continued unbroken until the younger poets death. The friendship of Goethe and Schiller, of which their correspondence is a priceless record, had its limitations; it was purely intellectual in character, a certain barrier of personal reserve being maintained to the last. But for the literary life of both poets the gain was incommensurable. As far as actual work was concerned, Goethe went his own way as he had always been accustomed to do; but the mere fact that he devoted himself with increasing interest to literature was due to Schiller's stimulus. It was Schiller, too, who induced him to undertake those studies on the nature of epic and dramatic poetry which resulted in the epic of Hermann und Dorothea and the fragment of the Achilleis; without the friendship there would have been no Xenien (1795) and no ballads, and it was his younger friend's encouragement which induced Goethe to betake himself once more to the misty path of Faust, and, in 1808, bring the first part of that drama to a conclusion." (From the online who's who NNDB )

Tuesday, September 6 2005

Humanists on friendship

The 14th century humanists Petrarch and Boccaccio enjoyed a friendship of some twenty-five years. Below is how Petrarch recounts its start. The language is high and florid as befits learned gentlemen of the age. But given that the two shared the underlying sentiments for one another, it strikes me as hard to imagine two men of letters in the 21st century writing to each other thus - without raising the obvious suspicion... What have we lost?

'In days gone by, I was hurrying across Central Italy in midwinter; you hastened to greet me, not only with affection, the message of soul to soul, but in person, impelled by a wonderful desire to see one you had never yet beheld, but whom nevertheless you were minded to love. You had sent before you a piece of beautiful verse, thus showing me first the aspect of your genius and then of your person. It was evening and the light was fading, when, returning from my long exile, I found myself at last within my native walls. You welcomed me with a courtesy and respect greater than I merited, recalling the poetic meeting of Anchises with the king of Arcadia, who, “in the ardour of youth,” longed to speak with the hero and to press his hand. Although I did not, like him, stand “above all others,” but rather beneath, your zeal was none the less ardent. You introduced me, not within the walls of Pheneus, but into the sacred penetralia of your friendship. Nor did I present you with a “superb quiver and arrows of Lycia,” but rather with my sincere and unchangeable affection. While acknowledging my inferiority in many respects, I will never willingly concede it in this either to Nisus or to Pythias or to Lælius.'

Wednesday, August 31 2005

First friends

This is possibly the earliest image we have of two named friends. They are Harmodius and Aristogeiton. They tried to kill the Greek tyrants Hipparchus and Hippias in 514BC and became heroes of Athenian democracy. The statue stood in the Agora, representing freedom. This Roman copy of the original is in Museo Archeologico Nazionale, Naples.

Saturday, July 16 2005

More ancient friendship

Delighted to find signs of friendship represented in the collection of the National Archeological Museum in Athens (it's an academic thing!). A 7th century BC double kouroi (figures of young men) turns out to be the shared grave of brothers, clearly thought friendly (perhaps idealised as such) with arms around each other's shoulders - quite notable amongst these otherwise very stylised and almost always individual figures. Also found a herms of a young man inscribed by friends of his from the palaestra (reminiscent of Plato's dialogue on friendship, the Lysis, which is set outside such a gymnasium). And many of the classical and hellenistic steles have figures shaking hands on them: it denotes the passing of life into death, no doubt, but a gesture surely not devoid of affection too.

Friday, July 1 2005

Genius of friendship

Brilliant friendship can inspire brilliant friends to even more brilliant achievements. This is friendship as challenge; friendship as in he or she 'is my greatest critic'; friendship nurtured by seeing, and striving, for the same truth. MoMA, in New York, is showing the works of Cezanne and Pissarro - two 19th century artists who became creative soulmates. According to one critic, the show 'debates inspiration and incentive, and it champions the cooperative underpinnings of success'; it shows 'the art of shared ambition.' I hope I get to see it!

Thursday, June 30 2005

Merlin's friend

According to Geoffrey of Monmouth, the wizard Merlin was driven mad by the death of his friend in a battle and took refuge in the Caledonian woods.

Friday, June 24 2005

Friendship with Churchill

The grandson of David Lloyd George has published a new book about the friendship between the liberal prime minister and Winston Churchill. What is fascinating about this is that the two had good reason to loathe, not love, each other. The things they had in common were that they were both liberals for a time, and were both wartime prime ministers. But up to and during the Second World War, the two fell out politically: Lloyd George said he didn't trust Churchhill's judgement, and thought him impetuous, egotistical and war-mongering. So how could the friendship endure such pretty ferocious critique? 'I think they recognised a kind of genius in each other and they had enormous fun together,' says Robert Lloyd George, the grandson. They were the two key UK political figures in the first half of the 20th century and they admired that in each other. To put it in the language of Aristotle, they loved each other's character; and the love of someone's character transcends the ambivalent feelings you might have about what they otherwise do. You may hope that they do not do; you may row and cajole. But at the end of the day, each finds it within themselves to be humble, to laugh and to admire - aspects of character that sustain the deepest friendships.

Thursday, June 16 2005

Religious side to medieval sworn brotherhood

A couple of weeks back, the London Review of Books published a review of Alan Bray's 'The Friend', the story of Bray's rediscovery of the medieval institution of sworn brotherhood - sort of friendship based marriages. The review was good but missed, to my mind at least, an important religious dimension in Bray's work. Yours truly wrote a letter which was published today in the LRB.

Mr and Mr From Mark Vernon

James Davidson does not discuss an element of Alan Bray’s The Friend that to my mind comes across powerfully: the religious dimension of sworn brotherhood (LRB, 2 June). Bray suggests that this found its greatest expression in the writings of Aelred of Rievaulx, a Cistercian abbot of the 12th century. His ‘On Spiritual Friendship’ has been regarded as a beautiful, but exceptional, account of the ideals of medieval monastic life. Bray, however, sees the work as one which would have made sense to many people over several centuries. According to Aelred, ‘spiritual friendship’ was a love for another of such intensity that it afforded the two friends a glimpse of the love of God. Paradoxically, this divine love was experienced particularly on the death of the friend, since then the surviving friend would come to know the joy of his friend’s spiritual (internalised, we might say) presence. This is the union finally celebrated in the shared grave, and anticipated when the friends shared holy communion and the kiss of peace as the ritual seal of sworn brotherhood. The religious context is significant for public reasons, too: it gave the relationship social weight ??" in the same way that marriage did. It was the loss of the religious context for such friendship in modernity that made sworn brotherhood largely unintelligible and contributed to its disappearance. But it is not clear that Bray’s work can easily be recruited in support of gay marriage today. Rather, it shifts the ground on which both the religious conservatives and liberals stand: on the one hand, the fact that sworn brotherhood is ancient undermines traditionalists’ rhetoric; but, on the other, there is scant support for liberal arguments in these spiritual friendships.

Mark Vernon